KISAH KEMBARA PERANTAUAN (Berpantang di perantauan)

Hari ke 4 keluar hospital..suami ajak pegi beli susu anak kat Carrefour. Kita pun rasa kita dah kuat lah masa ni. Dari tpt parking jalan nak masuk mall. Survey barang semua. Sampai time nak bayar..dah rasa nak pitam. Mana ada orang kita lepas hari ke 4 keluar bersiar siar beli barang kan.

Carry car seat anak lagi. Mana nak tahan kena jahit lagi.

Tiada istilah berpantang disini. Mentaliti org sini..dah beranak, back to normal buat kerja rumah. That was how it went on. Memasak, buat kerja rumah mcm biasa. Pantang? Tiada istilah. Bengkung? Pun tiada.

That is why at times rasa sedih...kalau mak masih ada mesti mak dah dtg, jaga daku, masakkan semua...jaga cucu..daku just rehat je.

But that was not the case. Org sini...pun mana ada pantang..anyway dorg makan pun healthy food..tak mcm kita. So tiada istilah pantang. View normal adalah anak umur 7hari, mak dah bawak gi beli barang. So I consider ppn sini kuat² lar mental sebenarnya. Nak kata umur pjg pun..org putih lg umur pjg dan sihat dari org kita.

Tapi buat adik adik diluar sana...selagi blh berpantang, pantanglah...nak nak lagi duduk Msia...you have the privilege ada org jaga kan.. ada org tgkkan..kalau takde, upah je orang.. dan it cost less than here. But I do understand ada je org yg jauh dari mak ayah..semua kena buat sendiri like me...bezanya lokasi..daku disini, mereka dinegara sendiri.

Daku makan mcm biasa. Tiada makanan pantang. Kena layan anak tiri yg tetiap ari dtg makan minum tido lagi..anak tiri lg 2 org yg dtg masa weekend lagi. Bila nak pantang? Diri sendiri pun tak dapat nak jaga.

Tiada siapa yg ajar breastfeed. No encouragement so ended up bottle feed my son. Probably sbb they did not know how to explain in English to me at that time??

No friends to talk to, only virtually…. so here is how I spend my next few years ...living a life as a mother with 4boys.

Tetapi dgn hadirnya anakku Adam...I didnt feel alone anymore...sbb aku ada anak utk ku luahkan perasaan dan kasih sayangku sepenuh hati… hanya pada anakku...ADAM, pengarang jantung hati mama.

#journalkembaralightkm

KISAH KEMBARA PERANTAUAN (My first child)

And so I was pregnant of my first baby. I lost a lot of weight masa memula pregnancy. From 60kg to 53kg. Everything goes in, goes out. Ya anak anak..mak kamu pernah slim suatu masa dulu hahaha


Semua yg daku craving takde kat sini. Maka makanlah apa yg ada dan mana yg pandai masak. But I was so happy bila dapat tau ada Kfc and at that time Kfc was halal !! So I replaced my craving dgn Kfc. Every Week makan Kfc.

Isteri kawan yahudi suamiku tu mcm perlekehkan gak lar..dia kata dia kalau pregnant, nak makan kat restoran mahal mahal.. untung your husband bayar Kfc je katanya. Lantak lar nak ckp apa janji aku kenyang dan bukan pakai duit laki ko.

I did try to find friends here tp ended up to have none. Baik orang putih baik org kita. Why? Sbb berkawan dgn org putih ni, takut terikut². Dan ada pe el yg daku tak suka. Contohnya cara bercakap dgn suami tu lar. Sbb sini kan hak sama rata. Sampai melampau pun iyer.

Or probably Simply sbb I couldnt find true friends or didnt have time for mengeteh. Byk habiskan masa utk suami, mentua dan anak anak tiri.

My husband was kinda bz with his business at that time. I would spend my time buat kraftangan..mcm² buku 3D etc. I was pampered during my first pregnancy. Lakiku sediakan kerusi baring dan laptop so that I dont have to move a lot sbb doctor advise jgn lasak sgt. Indahnya dunia masa tu (despite masalah with his ex dan anak anak tiri)

So my son was born when I was almost 27yrs old. Imagine..tak cakap french. Kat hospital, sorang pun tak cakap English ok. Maka mcm ayam dgn itiklah. Sini kalau beranak, kena tahan 4hari. Dan selagi baby tak reach weight mcm masa dia lahir, tak dibenarkan keluar.

Jadinya..duduklah situ for the first time dinegara org tanpa suami..pandai² lah nak communicate. Like my mom… I went to the hospital only when I couldnt bare anymore the contraction that comes every 1 min. Left the house at 10.30am, at 1.30pm, my son was born.

Sempat celebrate birthday anak tiri yg ke 4tahun. And so my son was born sama mcm half  bro dia.

Maka bermulalah kehidupan sebagai seorang ibu at the age almost 27. Nak baca info, semua in french. Maka beli sahajalah buku² pasal parenting. Sambil tgk kamus. That is how I learn french on my own...no class...just on my own...for the sake of my son...name Adam.

#journalkembaralightkm

KISAH KEMBARA PERANTAUAN (Perception)

Suamiku. Sayangnya pada ku sepenuh hati. Walau hatinya tidak mahu melukai anaknya. Jadi apa anak dia nak semua dia berikan..walau bukan itu caranya utk mengajar anak.


Jadinya ? Anak tak boleh terima nasihat. Anak jd kurang ajar. Cikgu tegur tak blh. Balik rumah menangis sbb kena tegur, ayah salahkan cikgu pula. Anak jadi besar kepala. Bila orang dewasa bercerita, dia sebok dalam crowd menyelit nak dengar cerita. Kalau anak orang melayu ni dah lama kena penampo aku rasa. Tp tulah, bapak sendiri tak tegur, takut anak terluka..terlampau sayang anak..maka dibiarkan.


Anak tiri lagi dua orang, duduk jauh. Datang sebulan dua kali masa weekend. Imagine kena ambik dorang kalau drive 4jam pegi, 4jam balik. Naik train ? 2jam pegi, 2jam balik. Expenses ? You name it. Ya tanggungjawab dia..tp ex yg mcm ada masalah mental ?


Belum lagi cerita psl duit belanja. Let me tell you. Negara orang putih, kawin atau tak, bila ada anak, A MUST bagi duit belanja. Dan duit belanja ni akan naik percentage ikut index ..setiap thn. Dan kena bayar sampai budak tu habis belajar..jadinya kalau dah tua bangka, malas keja dan masih study..bapak still kena bayar. And yes, sistem sini byk memihak pada kaum mak. Total penindasan pada kaum bapak bila berpisah.


Kalau lebih dari 2bulan tak bagi duit belanja, bapak boleh dipenjarakan. Hebat kan sistem bukan Islam compared to sistem kita sebagai orang Islam sendiri yg banyak memihak kaum lelaki sampai kaum mak yg terpaksa tanggung kesusahan where kaum lelaki angkat kaki dgn bini baru…shame on you men yg menyalah gunakan ugama utk kepentingan diri sendiri.


So… I was young, exploring the world. Free hair lagi masa tu. Solat pun tak jaga. Dapat pula suami yg convert. Diri sendiri tak betul, nak betulkan orang lain ? But I always have faith in Allah… hidayah itu bukan semua orang boleh dapat tp usaha dan tawakal, Allah suka dan insyaAllah akan dimakbulkan one day aaaminn.


And so, ppl didnt expect me to stay longer here. They thought daku ni just  my husband short term relationship since org tak tau kitorang dah kawin.


I can see the way ppl looking at me. Daku ni tidaklah pakai seksi mana..tunjuk dada membuak buak ke apa ke. Still trying to look good. So bila ada kawan dia yg dtg masa kitorang pegi bercuti somewhere…dan suami ku takde dan mcm gaya menggatal tu.. hello…ingat aku ni bitch dari thailand ke ? Like how, mentality org putih ni sometimes can be so pathetic. But this guy, the moment he knew kitorang dah kawin and I am no cheap girl to play with, dia sendiri rasa segan dgn daku. Tau pun kan !


December 2001. Daku balik Msia utk jumpa family. I was 5months pregnant at that time. Travelled alone. Full of excitement. Duit ? Mengharap duit laki, jadinya ada lah seciput. I stayed at my sister’s house that time..dalam sebulan kot. Jaga my first anak buah..buah hati pengarang jantung. So I became her nanny dan dapatlah duit poket from my sister dari jaga anak buah.


My husband came month later. Then we did our kenduri kesyukuran. Simplest ever. Buat kat umah maksu (adik arwah mak). Maksu yg uruskan sewa khemah, makanan dsb…terimakasih maksu atas segala pertolongan.


Nikah simple ..kenduri pun simple. Pakai baju pun second hand both of us. Make up dan dandan mcm biasa je…mcm nak gi kerja hahaha. It all went well...alhamdulillah


The time to leave my country was so tough each time. I would be crying a river. But this time, sgt teruk. Sbb my heart was already attached with my dear anak buah, Nisha. Dah mcm anak sendiri. It took me weeks nak rawat hati utk hilangkan rindu pada dia…at time rasa nak tinggalkan suami sendiri just to be with her back in my arms. Tak tau nak cakap perasaan masa tu.


During my pregnancy… mcm² nak makan. We went to chinese street sbb ada Mc Donald tokong style..so I thought mesti ada prosperity burger. Laki ku gelak besar kata ingat ni Malaysia ke. Mmg betul takde.

Then rasa nak makan nasi ayam (look who is tokey nasi ayam now hahaha), sekali tengok, ayam bakar campo ngan ba alip ba ya …euwwww. Then terasa nak makan laksa.


Nak taknak, terpaksa lah belajar sendiri. Dan bermulalah adventure dari tak tau masak, jd tau masak hehehe.


Suami ku ada kawan..sorang tu sejenis type..Jean Pierre. Nice guy, cakap english so daku gembiralah. Tp now dah lost contact.

Kawan lagi sorang..yahudi. Also lost contact. Come to think about it…satu satu kawan dia yg ahemm..di tarik jejauh oleh Allah and I consider this as a  blessing. Thankyou Allah.

#journalkembaralightkm

KISAH KEMBARA PERANTAUAN (New life 2001)

Jadi I am now married.

Dapat anak immediately ..3boys. Maka bermulalah episod to deal with 3boys anak orang putih  dan how to say…mak mak mereka yg berhati kering ?


Hidup sgt mencabar..and I was young… 26yrs old. Didnt speak french and didnt understand a word. Mmg totally rely on my husband for everything. It was like a new world. Dont know to call it full of excitement…not really..coz I had to handle non stop problems with anak tiri dan mak mereka yg senantiasa tak puas hati dan cari pasal.


Tak perlu cerita secara detail. My honest advise buat adik adik sana…pls kalau boleh avoid kawin dgn duda yg ada anak ni, tolong lah avoid. Why ? Let me give you some points

·         Bkn mudah besarkan anak orang TERUTAMANYA yg mak dia masih hidup. Most case, you will live like living in hell

·         Even kalau mak dah takde…next problem, ditegur anak orang, bapaknya sentap. Dan anak orang ni ssh nak dgr cakap and akan keluar dari mulut…you are not my mother

·         Bila dah ada anak sendiri, suami tak heran nak bawak pegi taman permainan atau park sbb dia dah bosan disebabkan dah pernah pegi dgn anak anak dia sebelum ni..in my case Disneyland. Daku bawak anak daku sendiri ya, bapaknya mmg takkan pegi. 

Menjaga anak orang putih, yg maknya mengajar benda² tak elok to do against me…it was tough. No matter how nice you are, sentiasa cari point to disrespect me…at one point terfikir…ada masalah mental agaknya sbb orang waras tak mcm ni…it isnt my fault their relationship didnt work.. I wasnt the 3rd party so what is your problem ?

Basically we never had real time for honeymoon only two of us. Him with his guiltiness takut anak² rasa terpinggir. Me I had to wake up every night sbb ada yg melalak nak mak dia tgh malam. Anak sorang yg duduk dekat, mak dia make sure anak dia tiap tiap hari with us. Balik umah utk tido sahaja. Kamilah tukang ambik balik sekolah, hantar pegi extra class, daku lar tukang masak, kemas, membasuh dsb. At one point, mak mentua ku cakap..tau tak mak dia hari rabu dan weekend tak keja?

Memula daku tak faham apa maksud dia.. lama lepas tu baru realise mesej yg nak disampaikan..setiap hari even weekend pun anak dia datang umah, makan, tido..we didnt have time alone without being bothered.

I was like a nanny..taking care of them..cook for them..while my husband is away for work..at times outstation. Never once a word of thankyou dari mak mereka..never. Tu belum lagi pe el anak anak tiri especially yg tua ni..no manners..once belakang bapak dia, dia keluarkan what was in his mouth, telling me what I cook is disgusting...without his father knowledge. If a boy did that to me now, I would have given him one slap...but I was naive at that time.

So we are married. I came to this country with not much money with..almost nothing. My husband didnt want people to know we are married…risau orang kata daku ni kawin dgn dia semata mata sbb nak duduk sini…do you know how it feels when your husband telling you this ? As if you came from 3rd world war poor country..you never work your whole life. The first question my MIL asked me « do you have a bank card ? » to be sure that daku ni tak depend kat anak dia financially lar mcm tu. I was so naive at that time.

Whatever orang cakap, daku tak bantah. Diam dan senyum sahaja out of respect for them…though inside me is struggling between homesick and my new life.

First years of marriage, we fight a lot…and many times I threaten to leave him in which I never have the courage to do so (I wish I had that courage and change my destiny).

To be continued.

#journalkembaralightkm

KISAH KEMBARA PERANTAUAN (JULY 2001)

Tarikh penting.

Memulakan kehidupan sebenar seorang adult dgn bergelar isteri.
I met my husband 20yrs ago.

And as today, we are celebrating our 19th year of marriage...with our 4 wonderful kids.

Ramai yg tertanya tanya how I met my husband.

Simply ONLINE. He was looking for supplier online for cds as his work requires massive use of cds. And I said sorry I work in a bank, not in cds company lol.

Within 1 year dari kenal, we got married. He is the only man yg baru kenal, already talk about marriage..though he was at that time, already a father of 3boys from 2 different Relationship, didnt stop our Relationship.

It was a shock to everyone and I was label making decision tergesa gesa. Quit my job as a bank officer with 1 month notice.

So I became his wife. It was just a simple nikah at jabatan agama islam wp. Tiada hantaran, Nothing. The simplest nikah.

And so I left my country leaving my family and my friends behind….to a new world...unknown world, with the man that I just get to know.

I left everything behind….not knowing what future hold.




#journalkembaralightkm